Positivity

I am a person with a big love of life. This doesn't mean that things always go my way. In fact, I'm sure as often as they do they don't. But recently I'd realized I'd lost my joy for the day-to-day. My workouts had become chores, making dinner another "job", and talking about my day with my husband and stepkids a burden. In fact, all the things that used to put me in my happy place were suddenly just extra things I had to do. What happened? How did it happen? 

I read a saying on the side of a lululemon bag once (I know - profound ;) that has resonated with me ever since: if you wake up two days in a row unhappy, change something. Sure, we can all have a bad day, but when it starts to become your norm, it's up to each of us to recognize this and make changes.

She probably has no idea how much her positive energy affected me when I met her. All the ladies on the Guinness team were fantastic and when I say they all inspired me for one reason or another that is wholeheartedly the truth. But one lady I got to know a little better and when messaging me the other day she said, "Life is Awesome!!!" It made me stop, evaluate, and question why I even had to stop. I have good health, I have an AMAZING and gorgeous husband, I have two pretty great stepkids, I love being active and busy, but I was not facing the reality: I was unhappy in one major area of my life. I responded with "It is pretty great!" but immediately missed that passion for life she has that I used to have. And knew it needed to change, now! (Thank you Debbie :) So, what was it? What was causing me to lose my passion for the day-to-day? The answer was simple: my job.

Changing a job is scary. Especially when you're well respected at your job and you make a good paycheque and you're used to your routine and so are your managers (ie: I have a hard run tonight so I'm checking out early...). Making a decision based on feeling rather than logic can be scary. But no matter what logic told me - good pay, great benefits, etc etc - the emotion had taken over and I'd lost my love of my day-to-day. I missed the feeling of being challenged and the feeling of being scared and excited about the next project at work. I missed thinking life is awesome ALL the time instead of just before and after work. I missed not dreading Monday's and living for Friday's. 

So, I've taken the leap. And it's a big one and one that has me getting more time for me but less pay as a result. It has me reworking my routine and being excited about it! I haven't even started and already tonight making dinner was fun and chatting with the kids about their day was fun! 

Someone at work expressed their sadness for me leaving today but then said, "I'm happy for you. Your light is back!" And that was the only thing I needed to hear to know I had made the right decision. I don't even talk to this lady much and even SHE could recognize my light had gotten a little dimmer than it used to be. I am so excited for this next opportunity and shining brighter than ever! Thank you to my husband for always supporting my decisions and always choosing happiness over money! 

The picture below is an exaggeration (sorta) as I left my job for the last time today! Excited much? Ah, the old me is still in there :)

May Recap June Preamble

I've always thought there are few things in life that are a once in a lifetime experience. And yet I'm learning that these experiences can happen often, if you let them.

Recently my sister posted a blog about anxiety which I really admired because for one, she's not one to speak out (the one area we are very different ;)) and two, I suffer from it too but have never fully accepted that until now. As I'm aging it's getting worse and the only reason I can think of is just how much I have to lose now. I feel lucky to have been given a second chance at marriage, the ability to do what I love in sport, and good health to do it. Anxiety makes me fear losing it all and anxiety at times causes me to be certain that it will all flutter away any day now. And somehow, just somehow, sport enables me to conquer this anxiety, and do things and push limits I've already convinced myself on any given day are not possible.

There's my intro to this past month. Now let's talk about the pretty cool opportunities I've been given to face my anxiety head on. 

May started our bike racing season off. I've been training hard this winter with Jack Van Dyck out of Talisman Centre and even though I've seen huge improvements, I am never confident until I put them out on the race course. I told my coach I wanted top 3 in the Velocity ITT and the rest didn't matter! 1st in the ITT, 1st in the Roadrace, and 8th in the crit for an overall placement of 3rd for the weekend and a few extra bucks in my pocket. Good things can happen when I face my anxiety head on! I never ever expected to win that roadrace, and had convinced myself once again, a once in a lifetime experience. Oh wait - that was last year I convinced myself of that. There's such a thing as once in a lifetime experience repeating itself?

How about organizing a team of strong talented beautiful women to attempt a Guinness World Record? How about achieving a Guinness World Record and crushing it by almost 30k?! Why set limits when you don't even know what they are? Another once in a lifetime experience...or was it? I feel like this group of ladies are bonded for life and may just have other tricks up their sleeves. Stay tuned!

This past weekend I entered a duathlon for training for my upcoming Great White North Duathlon that is my target race of this season. I went in without expectations and surprisingly less anxiety than ever. My foot pain had returned and I almost didn't do it because I'd convinced myself if I did my foot would break again. It didn't. I ran hard, I biked hard, I ran hard again (yes I puked a bit) and managed third place overall and first woman overall, chicking all but two guys. Still not sure how that happened!

What's to come? Well, June is full of bike races, then the duathlon in July and a Gran Fondo. And then I plan to "retire" for a year and experience another once in a lifetime experience and try for a baby of my own. I'm pretty convinced this will be a one time thing, but I'm learning I can't say that anymore when something amazing happens! 

What is your once in a lifetime? What makes you SO happy you are pretty sure it couldn't possibly happen twice? We all have them! Find yours...it's a powerful tool for coping with the ups and downs of life, whatever that means for you!

I am a proud supporter of women in sport. And it doesn't mean winning races. It means putting your all into something. Letting yourself face your fears and proving to yourself that you can do just about anything you set your mind to. Have you wanted to start your own business? Have you wanted to travel somewhere? Have you wanted to change careers, or even just move jobs? I dare you....