You Can't Buy the Finish Line

I read an article the other day that stated an ugly scary stat: 35% of Albertans do not make enough money to cover their monthly debt. I recognize that a large chunk of this likely has to do with the number of jobs lost in our province. But it also comes down to desire to always have more NOW, even if it's not within our reach just yet. Sadly, credit cards allow us to do this. I'd be a fraud if I said I didn't have a single loan. But what does it teach us? It teaches us to not work for things. Act now, pay for our actions later. To expect everything to just come to us. It stretches to every part of our lives: relationships take work, succeeding at work takes work, running a personal best takes work. While the world promotes immediate satisfaction, the reality is, things that matter generally are not something you can buy now pay later. But they are the things that give life satisfaction and depth.

As with most things, I instantly related this stat to running. I could never buy a personal best and it would be pretty worthless to me. A friend once told me, "the reward IS the race. The hard work is done!" And what great advice that was. I want the reward! Like so many things in life, the reward is proving to ourselves that all of our hard work was worth it! 

I've recently been training alongside my husband for a 10k. I have never targeted a 10k race before. I've done them in training for half marathons but with little pressure other than a good hard workout. This weekend I'll be racing the BMO Okanagan 10k and I'm pretty excited about it. It's actually my least favourite distance. It's short enough to push hard (threshold). But it's long enough to really blow yourself up. It's long enough to doubt the finish line, and it's a zone that for me simply hurts right out the gate. These past two months have been a lot of speed workouts, some ending with fear of what I need to do on race day (how can I do this pace for 10k if 1k hurts?!!) and some ending with confidence. But if every workout ended knowing I was going to crush my goal, would it give me the motivation to keep going out there on my lunch hours, or after work when I'm tired and my stomach is acting up? No! Training for this race and all before it has taught me the more you work for something, the greater the desire and the greater the satisfaction when you do actually achieve it.

Our goals need to be realistic or we just set ourselves up for failure. But our goals also need to be a big enough stretch that we need to work for them. My husband told me recently that he thinks I play my races too safe. I set a target and come within seconds of it each time. It's normal to fail at times but if we are constantly achieving our goals maybe our goals aren't lofty enough? I think, as with many things in life, fear holds us back and can sometimes keep us from achieving our greatest potential. 

So, what have I done with this? Well after I told him he was wrong (of course) I thought about it and realized he was right (I'm never going to hear the end of this). I train hard, yes. I race hard, yes. But I play it safe! I go in with a goal and I pace to that goal. I don't run on heart and mind and feeling. I do what my garmin tells me to do. Slow down, you're two seconds over your goal pace. Speed up, you're two seconds behind. I've ran this past month on heart and feeling. I rarely look at my paces. And I really hope to carry this through to race day on Sunday. To be honest, I don't feel pressure about Sunday. I have NEVER been able to say that about a race before.

I don't know what I will do out there, but I can promise you this: whatever the result is I know I have worked my ass off for it. And I will celebrate that race day reward far more than anything I've bought on my credit card. 

Race Season Recap - What I Learned

It's July 13 and my race season has officially been over for three days. It was fun having a focus other than running for a change. There were times I missed it as I watched my running PBs I worked so hard at from last year become nothing more than a foggy memory, a dream even, maybe? But my still achy foot reminds me, every so often, of the effort I put into obtaining those PBs and it's enough to make me remember that yes that was me and, even still, is me. 

If someone were to ask me who I was last year I would have said, "runner, wife, accountant, step mom, and doggy mama". Now I can happily add cyclist to that list of "who I am" confidently! I am a cyclist! 

What makes you define yourself as something? In my opinion, it's the things you love, the things you work hard at and find pride in. It's the things that require effort but give you a sense of achievement and pride. It's the things that make you excited about life! So being able to add to these definitions only makes life more and more exciting and gives you more options for finding joy in any given day. Don't restrict yourself to who you've been! Finding new definitions of you can enrich your life.

I dabbled in ABA racing last year. I had some success with it but still thought of it as my cross training for running. And it was. But with a forced break from running it allowed me to overcome my fear of swimming (no I'm still not a "swimmer") and discover xcountry skiing (I will be a skier) and become a cyclist! 

I had four goals for my race season. These goals may not make sense to all of you but they were: 1) increase my FTP by at least 5% (I ended up increasing it by 12.5%!!)  2) upgrade to cat three, 3) top three in a crit, and 4) defend my RMCC hill climb win from last year. I can happily say I obtained all four goals plus some I added along the way. But it did more than help me check off a list - it gave me confidence that, hey, I can set goals and I can achieve them! One of these, in particular, I'd like to speak to. 

My husband and I had decided in February to do the Axel Merckx Gran Fondo in Penticton that took place on July 10, 2016. My husband was going to race it and I thought I'd come for moral support and a good long bike ride (that's what gran fondo means after all) with one little goal - give it my all on the Summerland KOM hill. That is a little race within the fondo that essentially times every rider up this 8%+ climb. The fastest riders up the hill in each age block of ten years gets a prize - the coveted polka dot jersey that represents the king (or Queen) of the mountain. My main motivation: I've always liked polka dots...

I am a good climber. My power to weight ratio works in my favour for this very thing and I thought I had a chance at top three. Usually I don't have this kind of confidence. I was liking this. I brushed off this newfound confidence until during breakfast before the race I announce to five perfect strangers, at the B&B we were staying at, that I was going for the Summerland QOM. All of a sudden I realize what came out of my mouth, embarrassed, but kinda proud of myself for actually thinking I might be able to do it. Otherwise why would I announce to perfect strangers that I'd have to see later that day again that I was going for something I could fail at? 

In all reality, no one there would have cared. They were all there to put in a long ride and give them guilt free consciences for the okanagan wine they were going to consume post ride (part of my motivation also - who am I kidding)! I came up to that hill like a bat outa hell passing people on my left and right. I felt good about my effort and then had another 95km to ride until I'd know how I'd done.

Well I ended up second women overall by 0:01 and first in my age category. Since first place was a former Olympian I felt quite privileged to come in behind her! Results show that I was 9th person over the finish line for the velofondo and first girl. I rode my bike back to the hotel in my pretty polka dots and a smile from one end of okanagan lake to the other! 

We got invited to dinner that night with the fellow fondo-ers at our B&B and when they asked how it went I proudly told them I'd gotten the jersey! One lady's jaw almost dropped and she said, "OMG! When I heard you say that this morning I thought, oh you're so cute thinking you can get that jersey!" We all had a good laugh and it made me realize - if we don't believe in ourselves no one else will! If you work hard at something, you better believe in yourself doing what you set out to do because, quite frankly, no one else will until you prove it to them with a polka dot jersey, or whatever tangible thing you can present to them. No one else knows the hard work we put into the things we love and work towards. The reality of it is - I don't need this jersey to prove to myself that I am a cyclist. There were thousands of other cyclists out there with me on July 10th doing what they love and working hard at it. 

This season has seen many other successes. Even as a runner on sabbatical I was able to achieve a Guinness World Record with the help of 11 beautiful ladies. I finished first at the GWN Duathlon qualifying me for age-group worlds next year (along with my hubby - so proud!!!!) and many ABA successes. It's been an amazing couple of months but I am ready to focus on these other definitions of myself for a few months, maybe more. And even then, I will still be a cyclist, and a runner, and whatever else I want to become that is within my power! 

Life is short. Seek out things you love! Give them your all, and never fear unbecoming someone you have already proven to yourself that you are! 

Positivity

I am a person with a big love of life. This doesn't mean that things always go my way. In fact, I'm sure as often as they do they don't. But recently I'd realized I'd lost my joy for the day-to-day. My workouts had become chores, making dinner another "job", and talking about my day with my husband and stepkids a burden. In fact, all the things that used to put me in my happy place were suddenly just extra things I had to do. What happened? How did it happen? 

I read a saying on the side of a lululemon bag once (I know - profound ;) that has resonated with me ever since: if you wake up two days in a row unhappy, change something. Sure, we can all have a bad day, but when it starts to become your norm, it's up to each of us to recognize this and make changes.

She probably has no idea how much her positive energy affected me when I met her. All the ladies on the Guinness team were fantastic and when I say they all inspired me for one reason or another that is wholeheartedly the truth. But one lady I got to know a little better and when messaging me the other day she said, "Life is Awesome!!!" It made me stop, evaluate, and question why I even had to stop. I have good health, I have an AMAZING and gorgeous husband, I have two pretty great stepkids, I love being active and busy, but I was not facing the reality: I was unhappy in one major area of my life. I responded with "It is pretty great!" but immediately missed that passion for life she has that I used to have. And knew it needed to change, now! (Thank you Debbie :) So, what was it? What was causing me to lose my passion for the day-to-day? The answer was simple: my job.

Changing a job is scary. Especially when you're well respected at your job and you make a good paycheque and you're used to your routine and so are your managers (ie: I have a hard run tonight so I'm checking out early...). Making a decision based on feeling rather than logic can be scary. But no matter what logic told me - good pay, great benefits, etc etc - the emotion had taken over and I'd lost my love of my day-to-day. I missed the feeling of being challenged and the feeling of being scared and excited about the next project at work. I missed thinking life is awesome ALL the time instead of just before and after work. I missed not dreading Monday's and living for Friday's. 

So, I've taken the leap. And it's a big one and one that has me getting more time for me but less pay as a result. It has me reworking my routine and being excited about it! I haven't even started and already tonight making dinner was fun and chatting with the kids about their day was fun! 

Someone at work expressed their sadness for me leaving today but then said, "I'm happy for you. Your light is back!" And that was the only thing I needed to hear to know I had made the right decision. I don't even talk to this lady much and even SHE could recognize my light had gotten a little dimmer than it used to be. I am so excited for this next opportunity and shining brighter than ever! Thank you to my husband for always supporting my decisions and always choosing happiness over money! 

The picture below is an exaggeration (sorta) as I left my job for the last time today! Excited much? Ah, the old me is still in there :)

May Recap June Preamble

I've always thought there are few things in life that are a once in a lifetime experience. And yet I'm learning that these experiences can happen often, if you let them.

Recently my sister posted a blog about anxiety which I really admired because for one, she's not one to speak out (the one area we are very different ;)) and two, I suffer from it too but have never fully accepted that until now. As I'm aging it's getting worse and the only reason I can think of is just how much I have to lose now. I feel lucky to have been given a second chance at marriage, the ability to do what I love in sport, and good health to do it. Anxiety makes me fear losing it all and anxiety at times causes me to be certain that it will all flutter away any day now. And somehow, just somehow, sport enables me to conquer this anxiety, and do things and push limits I've already convinced myself on any given day are not possible.

There's my intro to this past month. Now let's talk about the pretty cool opportunities I've been given to face my anxiety head on. 

May started our bike racing season off. I've been training hard this winter with Jack Van Dyck out of Talisman Centre and even though I've seen huge improvements, I am never confident until I put them out on the race course. I told my coach I wanted top 3 in the Velocity ITT and the rest didn't matter! 1st in the ITT, 1st in the Roadrace, and 8th in the crit for an overall placement of 3rd for the weekend and a few extra bucks in my pocket. Good things can happen when I face my anxiety head on! I never ever expected to win that roadrace, and had convinced myself once again, a once in a lifetime experience. Oh wait - that was last year I convinced myself of that. There's such a thing as once in a lifetime experience repeating itself?

How about organizing a team of strong talented beautiful women to attempt a Guinness World Record? How about achieving a Guinness World Record and crushing it by almost 30k?! Why set limits when you don't even know what they are? Another once in a lifetime experience...or was it? I feel like this group of ladies are bonded for life and may just have other tricks up their sleeves. Stay tuned!

This past weekend I entered a duathlon for training for my upcoming Great White North Duathlon that is my target race of this season. I went in without expectations and surprisingly less anxiety than ever. My foot pain had returned and I almost didn't do it because I'd convinced myself if I did my foot would break again. It didn't. I ran hard, I biked hard, I ran hard again (yes I puked a bit) and managed third place overall and first woman overall, chicking all but two guys. Still not sure how that happened!

What's to come? Well, June is full of bike races, then the duathlon in July and a Gran Fondo. And then I plan to "retire" for a year and experience another once in a lifetime experience and try for a baby of my own. I'm pretty convinced this will be a one time thing, but I'm learning I can't say that anymore when something amazing happens! 

What is your once in a lifetime? What makes you SO happy you are pretty sure it couldn't possibly happen twice? We all have them! Find yours...it's a powerful tool for coping with the ups and downs of life, whatever that means for you!

I am a proud supporter of women in sport. And it doesn't mean winning races. It means putting your all into something. Letting yourself face your fears and proving to yourself that you can do just about anything you set your mind to. Have you wanted to start your own business? Have you wanted to travel somewhere? Have you wanted to change careers, or even just move jobs? I dare you....

Live, Love, Run, Bike!

Wow, how has 3 months gone by since my last post? It's been an exciting 3 months and I'm eager to share it with all of my readers.


What's New?
I spent last week in Penticton at a cycling training camp with Peloton Racing. Gorgeous weather and a great group of people made the week a success. But I was also pretty proud of myself, comparing myself year-over-year when I attended this camp last year.


Last year at this time I rode my "Longest Ride Ever" (strava title) which was 112km. Two days later I rode 144km, marking a new longest ride ever. I came home feeling pretty accomplished - 256 km over a course of 4 days seemed pretty hardcore to me!


Let's go forward a year to last week. 456km over 4 days and a new longest ride ever of 155km (thanks for being my good? influence Ania!). Following that new milestone, the very next day I chased a fellow teammate, Karel Bergmann, up Mount Baldy in Penticton capturing the QOM by over ten minutes and increasing my FTP. For those of you not familiar with these terms, QOM means Queen of the Mountain. It's a strava term and if you haven't heard it before you need to get on strava! FTP is your functional threshold power. Make sense? Didn't think so - dumbed down it is essentially the power (measure on a bike) you can hold for one hour.


Here is the victory shot from the top of Mt. Baldy, along with my tow-rope, Karel! @visitpenticton featured this shot in their IG feed, so I was pretty stoked about that!

I am also happy to report that I'm back with my coach from last year and I'm also back running more frequently! It's been over a month now where I'm able to run without any pain at all and even able to push the paces a bit. I surprised myself by running on feel* about a month ago and ended up running 10k at 4:10/km pace. I'm on my way back! And I need to be, because I have some other exciting news:


What's Next?
This year the Great White North Triathlon is also hosting a duathlon event for the very first time. It's a world's qualifier and the world's event just so happens to be held in Penticton of next year.


I know what you're thinking - how are you going to race that if you're pregnant? What happened to those plans? Well, obviously, I won't race if I'm pregnant. And I have to qualify for World's first, anyways, which could be a MEGA challenge considering it brings out the best. But, like all things in life, nothing is for sure. I am not guaranteed I will even be successful in getting pregnant, so I'm carrying on as I would and will obviously adjust my schedule should I end up pregnant in the near future.


I have learned through one failed marriage and many other personal obstacles over these past few years that there are many things in life out of your control no matter how hard you work at something or how badly you want something. So it's always good to find happiness in the now, in the things that are going your way, because plans can change whether you want them to or not.


So, what makes me happy now? My bike, my running shoes, my husband, my dogs, and chatting with my sister. This is my now!


Food for Thought
*I have been seeing more and more posts and articles lately on running and cycling based on feel. Many of us endurance athletes are data junkies. We swear we are "Garmin powered" or whatever device it is one uses. We spend more time analyzing our data than actually performing the activity. Without it, we are certain our legs wouldn't even move! We can't wait to upload our activity; in fact, we do that before getting out of our sweaty gear!  Aside from making us look like crazed lunatics to the regular person, it can also have detrimental training effects. A few of the studies I've read claims it puts more pressure on ourselves to get faster, better, stronger and push through paces we have pushed through before, even if we are not feeling it that day. It can lead to injury and burnout faster.


So I challenge you all to put away the watch, or the power meter, (at least hide it from your view), and go for a "free-ride" or "free-run" every once in a while. You might rekindle your love for the sport if you find you are not making any progress.


Guinness World Record
As many of you know, the Guinness World Record attempt is going down in just over a month. We are well on our way with fundraising events. If you have not purchased a calendar from me yet, please do! For just $25 you can support such a great cause and get some fun reading in, as each month includes a bio of the runner and a picture or two, or three (some of them ladies were just too photogenic!). I could be your Miss June (Mrs. June, in reality) of 2017 ;)


Taking the lead on the female team has been so inspiring. I am continuously in awe of the things this group of ladies has accomplished, even in just the four months of getting to know them. It has shown me the beauty of running. Running is so much more than personal bests and podiums. It's about the community and everyone trying to do better for themselves, and even more often, for others.


"Life is a marathon, so let's train for it!"

New Year, New Focus

It's been a while since my last post but that's because I was too busy doing everything BUT running and biking. But I'm easing my way back to running and I've lined up my coach again for cycling...wait cycling? Yes! This is my new year, new focus...for the first half anyways. I've never focused on cycling and with one season under my belt I'm no longer a newbie and would love to see what I can do on two wheels!

Since getting injured a lot has happened to this one-track-running-mind of mine. Not only have I overcome my fear of swimming (see last posts) but I have found a new obsession: xcountry skiing. In fact I love it so much that even after seeing The Revenant, which was filmed in kanaskis country, I am still eager to get out there and ride my skis! The cross training it has provided is phenomenal. The few runs I've done have been surprisingly speedy, for four months off! This is why I have changed focus...I can still run at a high caliber while enjoying the many other things life has to offer me. 

That being said....I have a pretty exciting running event on my calendar also. I was given the opportunity to organize a team of 12 local female runners to take on the Treadmill Relay 24 hour event Guinness World Record. That's right - Guinness world record!!!!! Well now THIS gets me excited about running again. It's for an amazing cause. There will be a men's relay team along with two crazy soloists (sorry guys but you're crazy!!!) and we are joining forces to raise money for Mito Canada, a charity organization for mitochondrial disease that affects a local endurance athlete's family. I can't pass up an opportunity like this! And pretty excited at the amazing talent I will get to run along beside at this event!

So that takes up my first half of the year. Why am I copping out so early? Well, I have some pretty exciting plans for the second half. My hubby and I have decided we would like to expand our family and are aiming to do so this year. I can think of some pretty awesome reasons to have a baby...like stroller races and mom strength...oh and a little human being to take up all my time and energy and sanity ;) but seriously, as nervous as I am equally excited and also know that I don't want to keep putting it off. There will always be another race to train for, another holiday to go on, or whatever other reasons I've used until now. And for me, personally, I do want to look back on my life and have a mini-me to share it with. I do, however, wish my little girl could be delivered to my front doorstep and I could just skip the whole being pregnant thing! *sigh* And I've decided I'm having a girl, in case any of you missed that!

Let's talk about the elephant in the room now, my foot - well I'm happy to report it's on the mend. I thought I had potentially refractured it but it's just weak and requires patience. But it's getting there and I feel optimistic that this four month hiatus will just be a blip in my past one day very soon. Kinda like pregnancy (I hope) cause I have NO desire to be pregnant. But I'm trying to liken pregnancy to training for a PB - before you know it the race is here and you forget about the hard work it took to get there. Except that instead of losing weight I'll be gaining it, retaining water, swelling......ya ok maybe I'm not quite "ready"...oh this is gonna be fun :)

That's all I got for you for now but stay tuned for some exciting fundraising events the ladies GWR team has planned. You've always wanted a desktop Calendar of ladies in action right? Or our recipes for our speedy secrets? Those all can be yours very soon! 😉